Brilliant idea!

The kids in this painting had a brilliant idea. They weren't happy with the holiday arrangements so they barred out the teacher and went on strike. I bet they

had a little union and Union leader. My best similar trick was to wait for the teacher to go out for something then the whole class hid in the walk in cupboard. His face was a real picture: pardon the pun! 

Painting

I like to paint, it's relaxing in a way. What I tend to do is get to a critical point in the work and scan it. This way, if I make a balls of it I can go back and do it again with knowledge gained. The problem comes when the pc misbehaves, like it is today..It can't see the scanner and I've tried just about everything. 'Just copy it I hear you say.' Not a bad idea, but sometimes I like to cheat (sorry, use a different medium) and add a difficult bit using the art software on the computer myself.

I have battled with myself whether this is truly cheating and have convinced myself that it isn't. New materials that were more easy to use or gave better results have gained popularity throughout history and the computer is a modern extension of that, because you still need certain  skills to get it to work.

Beginning to think I'm going to be on with this all day, but we shall see.

Jerome - 3 Men in a Boat

Time for some literary art I'm thinking. If you've neve read 3 Men in a Boat by Jerome K Jerome you have missed some witty dialogue, a gloriously escapist story and considering it was written in 1883, some words of wisdom

It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with in its most virulent form.

• Ch. 1

• Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need - a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear, and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing.
  • Ch. 3

• It is very strange, this domination of our intellect by our digestive organs. We cannot work, we cannot think, unless our stomach wills so. It dictates to us our emotions, our passions.
  • Ch. 10

• It always does seem to me that I am doing more work than I should do. It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me: the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart

Modern Art

As I've mentioned a few times modern art is not my cup of tea. I prefer the spectacular creations of the past that suck you in.

But and it's a big but there is still art that has that effect on both children and adults. The video game has come a long way

This shot from Skyrim is typical of modern games. While we worry (rightfully) that our children are not getting out enough, in the bad weather is it not better that they appreciate art and socialise with others while exercising problem solving skills?

Planting cat

A cat on the farm (Pepe) used to leap into the bird table and it had a roof on it

Lying there for hours (sometimes through the night) he would wait. I don't know to this day whether or not he was successful. There was an oddity that summer; sunflowers sprung up all over the farm. It took us some time to realize that Pepe was picking the bird seed up on his fur and it was being scattered all around when he was on his forays. So a little tip by bags of seeds from pet shops instead of the more expensive garden centres 

Happy planting next year

Heat

God I love my new heater. We had a shop with an electric fire, but the shop went bust and I had the heater straight away.

We live on a farm, out in the sticks and the only central heating comes from the downstairs coal fire. It's a bit of a waste when I'm by myself in the bedroom. So I got the heater and I love it. Switch on using remote control from bed and get up in the warmth! I'm sure a lot of you are used to central heating but just imagine there wasn't any-you wouldn't want to get up!? 

Another tattoo

Some say I'm mad while others think I'm addicted to pain. I got the kestrel tattoo because while the editor didn't take that one it inspired him to take my next.

All this time and I wished for my own column. It's finally happening, in a writing mag..so another kestrel;

Martyr

There are arguments, though most now agree, that both the bard by Bengamin Gray (closeup) and the bard of John Martin (mountains) are pictured about to martyr themselves. I'm no expert and if the experts say that then I can't really argue. The only thing is their stances are  very solid and they don't look like they are going to jump?

Letter to the editor

Hello all. My apologies for the delay in entries, my legd have been really painful. I wrote a letter to the editor of the Artist magazine to make a few points and ask one or two things. I thought I'd share it with you:

The Artists' Publishing Company Ltd.
Caxton House
63-65 High Street
Tenterden
Kent TN30 6BD
United Kingdom

Monday 14^th October

 

                                                     

Dear Dr Bulgin

                                                                              It seems that very few subjects (excepting religion and politics) is as divisive, socially dangerous and confusing in its beliefs. I am personally a traditionalist with a love of fine art, rather than modern or interpretive. I was recently in an art group on facebook , an idea that I thought was a wonderful method for exchanging views and ideas. We even had subject days, such as ‘words, ‘ colours’ etc. It did the job wonderfully for about three weeks and then exploded. I made a remark on my not being a fan of modern art and was immediately attacked as being arrogant and in making generalisations. First of all it is true, I am not a fan, but I know of no prescriptive authority that I must like it. A generalisation? Perhaps, but as I have seen nothing I like, it is a truth. On the other hand I can spend ages looking at a painting in a gallery, by the likes of John Martin.  So that party was brought to an end when I was asked to leave or stop being aggressive (For aggressive please read; I failed to agree or be bullied by them).

 

Students are not being trained to paint or draw but to express themselves.  I  think employers are interested in results rather than the angst of the artist....

 

I read your magazine regularly and am bemused by a current ongoing dispute over ‘non-professionals’ being the only ones allowed to sell their work. I’m a freelance journalist, though I did not study journalism. Selling your story depends on individual talent, timing, finding the right place and a reasonable smattering of luck, but there is no black market. Surely professional s still means carrying out work for money. So if someone sells a piece they are, at least temporarily professional. What do the professionals have to fear? If they are so much better then they are more likely to sell their material  anyway? The system to me (as a novice) comes over to me as a draconian form of trade unionism.

Yours sincerely

Anthony Joisce

Cheesey Thief

A Story of a Mousey Villain

 

            Bert Holliday was born in London’s East End in 1891. His upbringing seems to have been unremarkable. He was just an ordinary child of the time, from a lowly background. This was to change as he aged however. He eventually became known as the “Gentleman Cracksman”, and “Johnny the Gent”. Where the name “Johnny” came from is not clear. His nicknames did reflect his character however.  From his humble beginnings, Holliday was to become one of the most successful jewel thieves in the country.

During the late nineteenth and early twentieth century, detective and mystery fiction was dominated by Mr Sherlock Holmes. One author (E.W. Hornung), who happened to be related to Conan Doyle through marriage, took the famous detective and turned him firmly on his head. The resulting character was one A.J. Raffles, the gentleman thief; eternal houseguest and rubber of high-class shoulders. He mixed effortlessly with the upper echelons, and could banter with the best of them. The first of Raffles’ adventures, "The Ides of March", appeared in the June 1898 edition of Cassell’s Magazine, and went on to be not quite as popular as Holmes, but did come in an admirable second place.

            One can't help but wonder if Holliday modelled himself upon the fictional gentleman thief. With his success, came all the trappings of an upper-class lifestyle. He lived in a house named “Jour de Fete”, on the river Thames. Obviously an educated man, with an eye for humour and wit, or some may say pretentions and vanity; Bert had named his house after himself. “Jour de Fete” translates from French as “holiday”. He also liked to mix in high-class company, and would frequently ride with the hunt. His other passion in life was fishing; a pastime that he indulged in as frequently as his busy schedule would allow. It gave him some time to himself, in peaceful surroundings, and a break from the adrenaline rush of his larceny.

            He did occasionally use an accomplice in his escapades. “Poofy” Len Oades would accompany Holliday on some of his forays. Generally, though he preferred to work alone, and was not afraid to prepare himself for violence. It is rumoured that he carried a gun with him at all times.

            Bert Holliday was such a successful and notorious, not to mention widely travelled, thief, that he was sort after be five police forces from five different counties. They were very keen to prosecute Holliday, but he successfully evaded them for several years. His undoing was to be somewhat absurd and an anticlimax to the high-living, gentleman thief.

            It was the theft of a cheese from The Dumbell Inn in Taplow, Buckinghamshire in 1949, that was to prove his undoing. Why he stole a cheese, when he could so easily have bought one, has gone to the grave with him. Perhaps it was because he was so used to taking whatever he wanted, without paying, or could it have been his keen eye for wit and humour? To “cheese it” was slang, in the world of thieves, for “scarpering”, or “making oneself scarce”. Unfortunately for Bert, on this occasion he did not “scarper” quickly enough, and was captured by the police.

 

            They had caught up with him at last, and were not about to let him go easily. His bail was set at the huge sum of £2000. It is a testament to his prior successes and his wealth, that Holliday was able to afford the payment of his bail. When he was released, he promptly disappeared, and his whereabouts were to be unknown for four years. He eventually headed for Virginia Water, a large man-made lake in Surrey, which occupies the south-eastern corner of Windsor Great Park. In a hotel by the lake in 1953, Bert Holliday used a gun, disguised as a walking stick to shoot himself. The farewell note was short and un-dramatic; merely bemoaning the fact that he would be unable to go fishing that day.

Windcuffer

The kestrel is a very important bird to me. I wrote an article on it and sent
it to a local magazine from which I got the reply that they had enough bird material, but they may be interested in the hedgehog article, so I sent it in, I have now been writing for ages. See the dedication below:

I've also included that article, and you'll find out what windcuffer means,,,

“Windhover” – A Natural Treasure

By Anthony Joisce

 

            The “windhover” (European Kestrel) is the most frequently seen bird of prey in Britain. Whether on a Sunday afternoon stroll or perhaps more likely, from the comfort of your car on the A1, the kestrel is impossible to miss. Hovering, head into the wind, with rapid wing-beats and a twitch of tail feathers, the bird maintains its position with consummate grace and expertise. The sight of a kestrel can add a moment’s wonder to an otherwise uneventful journey. 

If you are lucky enough to get a close look you will find a surprisingly colourful bird with a beautiful tawny orange back, spotted with black. The male differs from the female in that he is smaller and has a grey-blue head and tail. The female is usually a more dull chestnut orange, though sometimes she may also have a blue-grey cast to the head that makes her difficult to differentiate from the male. Juvenile birds are coloured the same as the female, regardless of sex, until the end of the first year when a male will develop the blue tail. It will be another year before he gains the blue-grey head. Standing 33cm to 36cm tall and having a wingspan of between 70cm and 80cm makes them small when compared to other raptors. The wings are noticeably pointed at the tips allowing fast, manoeuvrable flight and rapid stoops, a characteristic which tells us that it is a member of the falcon family, hence the scientific name: Falco Tinnunculus. This method of naming species using two words, derived from Latin or Greek, was developed by Carl Linnaeus, to allow identification across international language barriers.

            Falco is most likely derived from Latin falcatus, meaning “sickle-shaped”. This refers to the shape of the wings; curving to a point at the tip. The word tinnunculus was first used by Pliny the Elder (a first century Roman scholar) to describe a small bird of prey; probably the kestrel.

Pliny probably used tinnunculus as a description connected with the verb tinnio: to have a sharp or shrill voice, to cry, scream or sing. Also the adjective tinnulus: ringing, tinkling, shrill sounding. These clearly refer to the common call of the kestrel which is a harsh staccato “kee-kee-kee”. You are most likely to hear them chattering over the Northumbrian countryside during the mating season: April to May

The name kestrel is a variation of castrell, recorded in the seventeenth century. This was borrowed from Middle French cresselle,  meaning rattle. Even today the Roman Catholic Church uses a small wooden rattle called a cresselle, in place of a bell.

            Given the shrill nature of the kestrel’s call, this seems a little odd, as rattles tend not to be high pitched. The texture of the sound though, with its staccato rhythm could, with a little imagination be compared with a rattle.

            The call is not the most identifiable characteristic of the bird. It is the hovering silhouette that catches your attention first; usually over roadside verges. This is because a lot of time is spent on the road, so we are more likely to be there to see them. The verges, with their long grass, relatively wild mixture of plants and discarded food items create a fine ecosystem for small mammals. The favourite food of the kestrel is the field vole. These small creatures are unlikely to be seen by people, unless the family cat presents one to the household. As they scurry about they leave a trail of urine which is visible to the kestrel in the ultra-violet spectrum; so the bird can follow a trail to the unfortunate mammal. Hovering above, unlike other falcons, the kestrel will not commit itself to one high speed stoop, but rather stoops to a lower altitude, before stooping again and possibly even a third time, before falling on its prey.

            This habit of hovering is illustrated by the colloquial names that have been given to the kestrel over the years, such as that of “windhover”. However, there are many other colourful names such as “hover hawk”; “stand hawk”; “wind cuffer”; “wind bivver”; “wind bibber” and “wind sucker” that  may be found throughout the country. There is an old and more unexpected name that alludes to this same behaviour. The work of William Lockwood unearthed that in the sixteenth century it was known as the “wind f***er” and that until the nineteenth century, in northern England, the name “f***wind” survived. The modern translation of these names is “wind beater”, but it is unlikely that there will be a resurgence of these old names (particularly in family discussions).

            Although hovering is the most commonly seen hunting behaviour, the kestrel spends relatively little time in the air, preferring the “perch and pounce” technique. Sitting on a post or tree branch, waiting for a likely target, it will then stoop down to capture it. While the vole is the favourite prey, worms, insects, mice, and even small birds (particularly in urban environments) also form part of the diet.

Kestrels have adapted to live very well with humans and can take advantage of a number of surroundings. The preference is for open land such as meadow and farmland (trees, hedges and fences being beneficial), they may also be found in heaths, marshes, cliffs and coastal areas; all habitats with which Northumberland is blessed.

            This ability to adapt has undoubtedly been a major factor in the survival of the kestrel. As other birds of prey, they have suffered great challenges from the activities of people; including persecution, and the use of pesticide, particularly the now well known DDT, both having taken their toll on numbers. However following the ban on DDT and the education of  land-owners, numbers began to increase and were estimated at 70,000 pairs in the 1990s. But continued intensive farming methods and a crash in the numbers of voles has reduced this number to about 40,000; placing the kestrel on the amber list for conservation. Hopefully the fall in small mammal numbers is a short term part of the cycle of the animal population and will recover itself, and the increase in more environmentally friendly farming will give the kestrel a better chance.

            The adaptability to hunting grounds also extends to nesting choices. Kestrels are not nest builders – they take an opportunity where they find it. This may be an old crow’s nest, a hole in a tree, a crevice in a wall or cliff, or even on building ledges in town centres. The three to six eggs are laid in April or May, with incubation taking about a month. The chicks need constant brooding for the first ten to fourteen days and usually fledge when they are about a month old. They are year-round inhabitants, but will change location depending on food supplies.

            Some chicks are illegally taken from the wild each year by unscrupulous would-be falconers. They may try to fly them, but more often the birds are abandoned and left to die. Kestrels have not been traditionally valued as falconry birds; possibly because of their diminutive stature and the size of prey they take. This is illustrated by the following passage from the “The Boke of St Albans” (1486):

 

“An Eagle for an Emperor, a Gyrfalcon for a King, a Peregrine for a Prince, a Saker for a Knight, a Merlin for a Lady, a Goshawk for a Yeoman, a Sparrowhawk for a Priest, a Musket for a Holy water Clerk, a Kestrel for a Knave.”

           

This passage provided the title for the novel by Barry Hines: “A Kestrel for a Knave” (1968), which was later to be adapted to the film “Kes”, directed by Ken Loach (1969). Unfortunately the attitude that a kestrel is a lowly bird seems to have led to the belief that it is a good choice for a novice falconer and an easy bird to keep. Nothing could be further from the truth:  take for example the maintenance of body weight. If a bird is allowed to get too heavy it will refuse to fly, if too light it will die. Smaller birds have more critical allowances than their larger counterparts. A kestrel with an established flying weight of five ounces only has to lose half an ounce and it will die. Equally, if allowed to gain half an ounce it will not fly.

            A kestrel may have been considered a lowly bird, but its abilities cannot help but evoke wonder in the spectator. It is perfectly suited and adapted to its chosen niche and it has survived through the challenges it has faced. As a high level predator it is the first to suffer when an ecosystem fails, so the sight of the “windhover” is a sign that the local ecosystem is in fine form. Northumberland has such a diverse range of habitats that it is an ideal county to be the home of this natural treasure, and the regular sightings at places such as those illustrated in the photographs is a credit to the environment of the county.

Mini planets

Well I thought mini planets would work well with some of my favourite pictures, but judge for yourself...

 

I think it's sort of attrative, but you wouldn't believe the hassle I went throug to get it.

 



The Queen

Do you think the queen would walk down this red carpet ? 

A bit creepy

I apologise in advance if you are a fan of Isabella and the pot of basil. If you just enjoy the painting as it is please stop reading. If you want to know the sinister aspect then stay with me. 

Isabella, or the Pot of Basil (1818) is a narrative poem by John Keats adapted from a story in Boccaccio's Decameron (IV, 5). It tells the tale of a young woman whose family intend to marry her to "some high noble and his olive trees", but who falls for Lorenzo, one of her brothers' employees. When the brothers learn of this they murder Lorenzo and bury his body. His ghost informs Isabella in a dream. She exhumes the body and buries the head in a pot of basil which she tends obsessively, while pining away.

Creepy? Poignant? Touching?

Wonga!

How much would you pay for this? Thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions? It doesn't matter really because it probably isn't for sale.

I was reading a new book yesterday and it pointed out something that should be obvious. Paintings, whatever the era were created to be sold. In the Industrial revolution there was a lot of money floating about for luxuries, like paintings. 

Then came environmentalism as explorers returned with examples of rare species. I'm not cynical but guess what started to sell and that we have many of from the era? Yep landscapes and animals. We can stick as many meanings as we like on art but it is still a commodity and at least they are honest about it. Are we having our money sucked out of us by modern art because that is what is trendy rather than it having a meaning? Or am I devil's advocate?

Too lazy

I'm too tired to sleep and feeling a little artistic, yet devil may care. I'm not going to splutter about light sources in the work of Vermeer. I thought I'd post some pictures. 

I don't bloody know!

I've just made an ultramarine wash with the intention of creating a surreal space scene, but I don't feel very surreal now! I suppose I could put in some tropica fish, but I can't draw reefs, any suggestions would be gratefully received. Here's my really interesting wash;

The colour isn't bad but..

I thought the art itself would be the most difficult, but I'm beginning to wonder whether finding something suitable to draw is more difficult!

Painting

Well that's the first painting finished and sent to Artist magazine because I think it will highlight the performance of the theory I suggestedm using computers in mixed media art. The weather has made me think of other things, like the countryside management course I did. So a note of caution:

Don't use a chainsaw without training or you might rip your face of. There's a specific danger called .kickback. If the chain tip hits something it throws the saw backwards into your face. I'll not be descriptive about the injuries,

Those who work with dangeous machinery check it for yourself, even if the person before you was meant to service it. I borrowed a chainsaw and climbing rope. I was told the saw had just been seviced, well it must have been a basket head that did it. They didn't tighten the side bolts and I failed to check them. They came our and bar flew through the woods, whilem fortunately the chain embeded itself in the tree. The rope was also not serviced correctly. It was a new rope, but it hadn't been soaked, so about 30ft up it lost grip and I fell fifteen feet with my back over a branch. I was okay- I was lucky!

I've seen all manner of stupidity. If you have to have a chainsaw and can't go on a course, ok ok please at least read the manual and get the gear!

I was going somewhere with this story. Oh yeah a council worker was sitting on a branch sawing. He was sawing the branch he was sitting on and ended up clattering to the ground. He sued the council on the grounds that he'd never been trained and he won.!!!

Strange day

It always takes me a good while to get used to this darkness in the winter, always finding it s little strange. This little picture represents my day

There are all kinds of images in there to keep you entertained. Maybe I'll stick my ugly mug through the software as that would be marginally less scary than my real picturee

Is stupidity a bad thing?

Some would say not. Stupidity is not only bonding, it's also essential to progress. Stupid people are, by definition, those with less sense and ability to reason. But their irrationality and illogicality may be the very qualities that make them more imaginative and creative. The ability to look at the world differently, to think outside the box, is crucial to innovation. Even brainboxes acknowledge this. Albert Einstein said: 'I never came upon any of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking.' And another egghead, Ludwig Wittgenstein, observed: 'If people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.' The kind of stupidity celebrated in this collection is
Jarski, Rosemarie (2008-12-05). Dim Wit: The Funniest, Stupidest Things Ever Said (Kindle Locations 291-296). Ebury Publishing. Kindle Edition.