Strange!

Agalmatophilia  

            This is a fairly rare, but unfortunate affliction, which can lead to not only (most certainly) unrequited sexual desire, but total destruction of your reputation, or the creation of a new reputation, depending on how you look at it.

            Agalma is from the Greek for statue and philia, of course meaning love. The sufferer of this condition, proclivity, perversion, call it what you will is basically turned on by inanimate objects. I don’t mean washing machines (we all know about their popularity), or tables or chairs. Nor do I mean inanimate images of a sexual nature. I refer, more specifically to human shaped things: statues, dolls mannequins, scarecrows. It is also known as Pygmalionism; named for the play by Ovid, in which the protagonist falls in love with a beautiful statue.

            Because of this the practise it has been argued that agalmatophilia represents a quest for purity and perfection, so raising it above the other erotic pleasures. The same cannot be said about the more common forms, of which there are three. Firstly there is the (mostly female) practice of using a doll or statue in pleasuring herself or abusing herself, depending how you look at it. I hear the cries of ‘What about inflatable ladies?’ I shall come to that in a moment. The subject with which we are currently concerned involves the use of a model of an adored person, somebody unattainable in the flesh, or it may be the nearest long hard object to hand used in a very personal way.

            The second version, and one that is well known, and if the market standing and production is anything to go by, is very popular, is that (mostly male) activity of using a doll to replace a real woman. One can, of course purchase items designed specifically for the task. But it has not always been so. Particularly in rural areas the doll would be made of straw or something soft, dressed in women’s clothing and include a soft, penetrable object, in many cases an eviscerated chicken. There is a story from Bresse in France where a young lady had to be comforted because of her husband’s night-time forays. Apparently he would head off into the fields with a fresh chicken to visit the local scarecrows.

            In the third instance the object is not a statue or a doll, but a person who remains perfectly still. In most cases it is the male that is active and the female passive, although the roles may be reversed. Whatever, the basis of the situation is that one partner feigns helplessness against the advances of their partner. It is common for the passive partner to be painted white to resemble ivory or marble. A good example is provided by a lady of the nobility, who shall remain nameless. She arranges the more athletic of her footmen into a gathering of immobile human statues, supporting fruits and pastries for her guests. Her claim that this is merely an extension of her artistic surroundings and nature is quite seriously disproved as she thrashes those footmen that have moved, and indulges here considerable carnal desire on those who have put on a good show. It really does take the old joke about the shop dummy and the electric drill to a new level.